Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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