to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
