my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
