Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
