Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
