I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize