I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
