I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
