I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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