Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
