i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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