Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
