The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As shirtless as possible
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
