Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
