I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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