i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
