Plan B is the new Plan A
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Success! We fucked roommates!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
