Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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