i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
