I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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