Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
