Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
