My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Rumble strips road head = magical
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
