You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
