i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
