One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
