he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
