I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We are two peas in an std pod
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
