The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
