I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
