Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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