I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
