I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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