so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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