I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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