I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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