my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
