Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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