I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
