you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
