Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize