Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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