So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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