Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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