I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she told me i tasted like america
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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