Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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