So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
