Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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