So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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