She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
