Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
