i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize