college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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