i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
