someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
