i permit you to call me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
