it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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