Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
