The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
