She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
