I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
