A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
