1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
