the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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