I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
