It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
