Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
