Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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