just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
