the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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