Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
