I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
