I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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