so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
