erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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